dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just tell him i said nine months
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
