The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
