Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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