You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
whose parrot is this?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
