I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
