u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
