i think my tv is drunk
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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