I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
BRING THE BAGELS
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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