I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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