glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
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I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
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High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
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