FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I want her autograph on my taint
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
