I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
