It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
