This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
