You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
