You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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