I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
