I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
