I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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