i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
