Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
