THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
