69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Too much gin, very little bucket
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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