1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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