we're chasing vodka with high fives
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
