im drinking this country out of the recession.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize