somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
