Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
