plz talk dirty to me
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dick very happy bro
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
