my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
