So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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