That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
