Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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