Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
