don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize