I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
