It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
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I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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