Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Houston, we have a squirter
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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