I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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