Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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