sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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