yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
