I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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