Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
