my phone needs a breathalizer
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Let's get the cat blown out
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
