I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
