I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
