An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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