4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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