Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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