Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
