In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
