allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
