it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
