the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
