Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
