GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
