weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
