my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
