If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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