i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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