it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
