My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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