Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
