Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
