Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
