I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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